Stitching Wellness

Covid-19 will come and it will go along with each stress and trauma trigger I face every waking moment of every day unaware of the who, what, where, and how it might show itself.
These past few weeks have been particularly difficult for me as I struggle with isolation and abandonment in a way that might seem counter intuitive to most.

As a US Navy Submarine Veteran a PTSD survivor and the Founder of a Non Profit Inner Warrior Spirit. My focus has been teaching mindfulness meditation as a way to combat the affects of trauma.

In the beginning of this pandemic my focus had sill been on mindfulness and meditation to keep me centered through the ups and downs. As I felt myself getting deeper and deeper in depression using my mindfulness practice looking inward I realized what I needed in my life was purpose. I needed something bigger then me. Something I could control when nothing else in my life felt controllable.

That night April 2nd I designed a face mask. The first go around was not great but not bad either. April 3rd I built a box dug a hole in my front yard and with the help of my neighbor who painted that box. A sign was placed on that box “ Free Masks”. I took pictures posted on Facebook and started cutting and then sewing face masks. Filling the box day after day even shipping masks all the way to North Carolina, West Virginia, California, Denver, alike. Focus on the breath and be aware you are cutting and you are sewing, stringing, bagging, and shipping. The breath I could let go the cutting the sewing the bagging the shipping the giving I could control and then the letting go.
What has saved my life during Covid-19? PURPOSE


Inner Warrior Spirit’s Infinite meditation cushions has been designed and patented by myself while living and volunteering in a Buddhist community. This cushion is the culmination of a 20 year long dream of mine to be working with the prison industry where it is made for our non profit. As a Navy veteran and a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder survivor it is important for me to stay connected to self through mindfulness and meditation. It is also important for me to give back and share what I have learned all these years in the hope that others can and will benefit in some small way.
Very soon in addition to holding meditation workshops throughout the country I will be sharing the gift of mindfulness meditation practice within the vary prison this wonderful Infinite cushion is being made. What a true gift and how cyclical this cushion has transformed not only my life but the lives of so many and now it will be truly transforming the lives of the incarcerated. The very lives that make it possible for me to share this cushion with the world.

This is not a Zafu. It has a removable cover. It can be easily used on its side for kneeling as well as flat for sitting meditation. Buckwheat hull filled and even a velcro opening so you can fill or remove to your liking.

Proceeds go to pay for meditation programs and more buckwheat 🙂

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I just wrote this below about my trauma that happened more then 30 years ago. I cannot imagine writing it even 1 year ago the emotional pain that it has caused me would have been too much. I experienced a practice I call ” FEELING TRAUMA TO THE BONE” along with mindful meditation and just a few days ago when I wrote this the charge from the memory of re experiencing my trauma had been quiet transformed. I still today am triggered by daily events but the tools of my mindful meditation practice helps tremendously.

Focus on the breath. Be aware of sensations inside and outside of the body. So simple in practice and yet such a profound outcome. I am thankful to have this tool and to share this tool with others.


My trauma broke the wings off my inner warrior spirit.
Choked the lifeless body and left it for dead right there.

Running, running, running no connecting with pain.
Feeling only torture turmoil upset and rage at who.

My trauma broke the wings off my inner warrior spirit
Choked the lifeless body and left it for dead right there.

I only see a world of illusion and strange.
Filling my life with confusing restraints round and round.

My trauma broke the wings off my inner warrior spirit.
Choked the lifeless body and left it for dead right there.

Im never gonna climb to the top of that ridge.
Im never gonna have a life of my own right now.

My trauma broke the wings off my inner warrior spirit.
Choked the lifeless body and left it for dead right there.

I wish Id been faster.
I wish Id been wiser.
If Id only been stronger.
If Id only had friends and not been alone.
Always alone Always alone.

My trauma broke the wings off my inner warrior spirit.
Choked the lifeless body and left it for dead right there.


There are many things that come from Trauma. Raul Hilberg speaks about three in his book ” Perpetrator, Victim, Bystander”. This is my own take on these three words.
Perpetrator becomes effortless moving through life reenacting on self or others the trauma that had once become our own form of existence. Not what had or has been good for us but was and would become our way of life as we now know it. So seated into our being it dwells as second and even first nature.
Victim emerges as a not so subtle reminder of who we have become based on environmental pollutants I/E (people, places, things). The victims only roll is to stay true to self as we know it. As we perceive it and as we would have others perceive use in the world. Holding onto the self fulfilling destiny that perpetuates the trauma victim roll.
Bystander is no more or less then the roll taken by one who becomes onlooker or the self fulfilling roll. By standing trauma is passed generation to generation. Handed down knowingly or unknowingly. The truth is there is no innocent stander but only avoiders. This only works for a time and avoidance strategy begins to fail. Whether mentally/emotionally or physically the body holds the keys to all understanding of trauma and the way out of the suffering.
Meditation the vehicle that slows the mind so we can begin to see clearly the affect and the affected part and parcel of our human experience. Clear away the environmental pollutants that cloud our judgments of self and others. Begin to see a world a new.
Mindfulness the tool of observing clearly precisely and objectively. Without judgement we can move into and out of experience without holding perception. Change manifests organically through our own internal evolution.


Focusing on the breath and becoming aware of sensations inside and outside of the body. Accepting sensations inside and outside of the body allows the body to let go of sensations triggers.
Sensation triggers ( triggers are connected to past experiences trapped in our physic ). All sensations are not triggers or triggering responses to past experience.
Non-triggering sensations are new experiences. New experience show up as awe and wonder, experience without frame of reference.
Transformation happens when sensation triggers trapped in our physic are accepted and let go of.
We are then able to view our sensations from observing and questioning mind. Open mind allows us to see things as they truly are. Not from one side stuck in one paradigm or one reality but multiple realities at the same time. This is mind expanding. Transformation occurs and reintegration of past narrative into a new way of being in the world.


Observing all of my sensation from the middle of a forrest. Questioning the stillness, if there is really stillness. Focusing on the breath, slowing the mind. Considering the action of the breeze placed upon the branches. Sounds emanating from the earth and the taste of the warm wet dense foliage. How the mind dances around the unknown answers to the presented question of every single moment.


I met this hound dog when I was in treatment for PTSD last year in Topeka KS VA Medical center. She happened to be the same breed I was raised with coon hunting on the Mississippi river bottoms. I visited her every week and when she went to the vet for a surgery I had a panic attach. I told the pet shop how much she meant to me and they wanted to give her to me. The problem was a lot of strings attached to this giving. Every time they pulled a string I felt my trauma increase and every time I let go my trauma relaxed. She taught me the power my trauma had over me and how it had pushed me to attempt taking my life 3 times previously. She taught me the power of letting go and in the end I let go of her because she had done what she came here to do. Teach me a very valuable lesson. The power of letting go. Now I try my best to share the tools of mindfulness meditation practice that starts with the breath and ends with letting go. Mindfully working with 5 sensation and the mind. What a profound experience nudged by a dog.